you are married

Earlier this week I asked you if you'd be okay if your and 45 percent of you said you would but how would you feel if your husband refused to wear one after you got married? Of course wearing a piece of metal around your finger won't pledge fidelity but it will tell the world that you're spoken for. When I get married. I certainly be my preserve to feature a ring but what about you? If your hubby were hesitant or indifferent would you demand that he wear a ring? I'm not engaged or married yet but when we do get married if he doesn't want to feature a ring (which he probably won't because he hates jewelry) that's fine with me. I don't need him to wear a band on his finger to know he'll be true to me. Our relationship is strong and his actions are much more important than his accessories. I agree TheMissus the only exception I could think of though is if he worked in construction where wearing a ring could be a hazard. Thats why my dad doesn't wear a ring anymore he lost part of his finger. I would never force someone to wear anything. It isn't always comfortable for some men and there are guys who can't wear them because of the work they do. While I love what a ring stands for it doesn't guarantee a marriage will work or that someone won't cheat. If it's a hazard (like it was for BlairBear's dad) then that's fine - while the hazard is an issue. But that doesn't mean he can't wear it the rest of the time. Alot of the men I work with give that forgive (pilots) because they didn't wear them in the military while flying. But I don't think that excuse holds much water while they're flying commercial. Esp when I see so many having affairs. *rolls eyes* My husband wears his ring proudly. If he had said from the outset that he didn't want to wear it I would have been upset and frankly a little skeptical. I'm not married or engaged either but I would expect my husband to wear one unless there was a good reason not to. My create wears his unless he's in the pool or doing yardwork.. both situations involve him potentially losing it if something goes wrong so he just takes it off as a precaution. I would want my husband to do the same. I don't feature my wedding ring because I am "showing the world that I am taken." I wear my wedding ring because it is a symbol of the commitment that my husband and I made to each other the day we got married. If my preserve didn't want to wear his ring that would be fine with me because our marriage isn't defined by a ring. I think the idea of "demanding" that your husband wear a ring is ridiculous. If you go into a marriage demanding anything good luck with that. My husband takes his ring off to rest and to work out. I tease him about it but I don't really compassionate. I mean if he's going to cheat on me he'll do it with or without his go on. And if he's cheating on me. I have a bigger problem than him not wearing his ring. My husband is the ring nazi in our relationship. I'm always setting mine down to wash my hands/put on lotion/whatever and he'll pick them up and follow me around the house with them until I put them on. I never have to remind him about his because he never takes his off. Couldn't have said it better myself facin8me! I guess I would prefer my future husband to wear a ring but if he doesn't want to. I won't "compel" him. That's kind of pathetic. I'd like to think married women have more trust in their husbands to not need him to "show the world that he's taken." If he's going to cheat on you weddings rings come off. I have been married for 12 years and my husband has always worn his ring. I do not insist that he wear it it is his decision. I wouldn't matter to me if he didn't wear it. We know were married to each other. If either one of us are going to cheat a ring is not going to stop anyone. I always thought a ring was a symbol of your commitment for each other not a sign that tells the world your taken... I don;t see why a guy wouldn't wear the ring.. my male friends/ family members who have gotten married didn't normally wear jewelry beforehand but most said they got use to the ring and didn't even notice it was on much after a couple weeks. I agree the last answer is weird. I am not close to being married and I really wouldn't care if he wore it or not. I really don't feature rings so I probably wouldn't wear mine all the time. I would probably end up doing what Carrie on SATC did and wear it on a chain a lot. I have dozens of reasons for not wearing mine every day. The main one is that there are days when I just don't like the feel of jewelry period. I don't see my ring as a sign of our committment. Taking vows spelled that out pretty clearly for me. I don't need a piece of jewelry to remind me. My husband generally wears his but sometimes when he's going to the gym or working on the car he'll take it off. If he forgets to put it back on it doesn't bug me. The ring doesn't make the marriage. And I wouldn't NOT feature mine just because he doesn't wear his. I like my ring and I like wearing it. come up. I'm an old married man. So I thought I'd thrown in my two cents. I wouldn't beg that someone wear a wedding ring. I wouldn't insist that my spouse wear pants either. That doesn't mean I don't expect it to happen. I didn't vote either because the "reasons" were totally off. I wouldn't force him to but I'm glad he does. It's not the backbone of our marriage or anything but it was a gift of love. He takes it off when he needs to but so do I. If one of us forgets to put it back on it's no biggie. I do however agree with the person who says it can actually attract women. My husband says he has never gotten hit on as much as he did the first time he went to get his hair cut with his wedding band on. I've heard that from other married guys too. I don't think that overall a ring increases attraction. I think there are certainly women (and men) who sight it a challenge and get off on it but I think it's evened out by those who stay away based on a visible go as well. I actually used to wear one to avoid being hit on when I'd go out long before I even met my husband. I also don't care if it increases the chances of him being hit on - whether he's hit on once or a dozen times if he's going to cheat he's going to cheat. Of course my husband still gets really confused when populate point out to him that he's good looking. *lol* My husband does not wear his wedding ring because he is a mechanic and he can get it stuck on something while working on a car. Also he plays guitar and it scratches the guitar. He does wear it when we are on vacation as he is hopefully not fixing any cars. It does not bother me at all when he doesn't wear it. I know we are married and i don't care if other people know. We made a commitment to each other and that is more to me than a go or a piece of paper that says we are married. Also a friend of ours who is also a mechanic and couldn't wear his ring got a ring tattooed on him instead. Which was a good idea until he got divorced! My husband has always wore his go and actually took a lot of pride in the whole affect of picking it out. He was so proud I never thought that he wouldn't wear the ring but I have to say that I would be upset if he chose not to. I feel the same that it's a commitment thing not a taken thing and that's why. I would never not wear mine because I love mine and I am proud of it and proud of the good job my husband did in picking it out! Plus everytime I look at it I think of him and that makes me happy. my husband loves wearing his ring he's in the army and away a lot so he can alway look down and think of me. I wouldnt force it but if were off I would think its a little odd since he does take pride in wearing it. My boyfriend wouldn't wear a ring.. he hates jewelry. But that doesn't bother me because of his blanket hatred of all jewelry.. not like he would wear some fantastic check and then refuse to put the ring on his finger. My parents have been married 33 years and my dad doesn't feature a ring. He has never once strayed and everyone who knows him knows he adores his wife. His father almost lost a finger because of his ring and it made an impact on him. He managed to mangle the first bring together of rings my mom got him and she finally gave up and had them melted down into a necklace pendant for herself... My husband wears 2 rings... The claddagh I gave him a week after we started dating (hey it's LA.. you gotta claim the good ones right away) and his wedding band. He is a personal trainer and he never takes his wedding ring off we got him a white gold one that wasn't too expensive so that we don't feel bad if we have to regenerate it because he mangles it... I say to each his own.. if he is going to cheat a ring won't stop him. My parents have been married 33 years and my dad doesn't wear a ring. He has never once strayed and everyone who knows him knows he adores his wife. His father almost lost a finger because of his ring and it made an impact on him. He managed to mangle the first couple of rings my mom got him and she finally gave up and had them melted down into a necklace pendant for herself... My husband wears 2 rings... The claddagh I gave him a week after we started dating (hey it's LA.. you gotta claim the good ones right away) and his wedding band. He is a personal trainer and he never takes his wedding ring off we got him a white gold one that wasn't too expensive so that we don't feel bad if we have to replace it because he mangles it... I say to each his own.. if he is going to cheat a ring won't stop him. No because I believe the rings are not a deterrent if a person decides to cheat on their spouse. My husband wear's his all the time and so do i because we be to not because either one of us forces or tries to guilt the other into wearing them. Actually,he's been hit on by women before even though he wears his ring and so have I with my rings on and my husband nearby. I'll make sure the one I'm married to are happy to wear his wedding ring even if he doesn't like wearing jewelry. My bf's wears a key around his neck.. so. I know if we were to be married he'll definitely wear his ring. I agree marriage is about a spoken deep down commitment to each other. That is more to me than a ring or a piece of paper. My man is not a jewelery person. I think a ring is something you should communicate about before getting married. If my man says he will not wear a ring. I am not going to buy it for him. If 10 years down the road he wants one. I would get it for him. A ring may deter some women but really shouldn't your hubbie just say he is available when someone is hitting on a him? He can speak for himself without a ring. im not married yet but if i were to marry my current boyfriend--he works with trees all day--his hands are usually pitch black from sap--and there is a high risk he might lose it i wouldn't be offeneded it he didn't wear his my create hasn't worn a wedding ring in forever and i know he's completly committed to my mother.. rings don't convey anything to me... When my husband and I got engaged he was offended that dudes don't get engagement rings too so he went out and got a white gold band to wear. Of course populate saw that and assumed he was married already which was ok with him because whenever someone referred to his 'wife' he was happy because it was like he was practicing! I'm kind of stuck on the terminology 'DEMAND'. I think the minute we start 'DEMANDING' things of anyone something is out of whack. I'm engaged. If my fiance doesn't want to wear a wedding ring that's his choice. I wouldn't marry him if I didn't believe him. And I voted on not caring if I got an engagement ring so I'm consistent in my ring opinions! i'm not engaged or married honestly i'd prefer my future husband to wear his ring i like the tradition of it! that being said- i'd never bespeak he wear it if he had a job it interfered with i'd understand or if he just hated it i'd understand too though i might drop enough hints to make him wear it part time lol one of my old bosses wore one but it always bothered him- he was constantly playing with it! spinning it on tables his wife knows him well though cause it was a cheap ring- which i'm sure she'll end up replacing several times! my other old boss never wore his but you could just tell he was 100% devoted just the same plus his wedding pic was displayed prominantly in his office so that is good enough! I would prefer him to wear it but I am marrying a person that doesn't like much jewelry. It's up to him but as expensive as they are I don't think taking it off and laying it around is too bright because they have too much sentimental value. I'm married and my husband doesn't wear jewelry. He didn't be a ring and that's fine with me. He knows he is married and everyone knows he is married so that's what matters. I wear my ring but I don't wear it home. It's just about preference. I'm with Jennifer.. my parents have been married 30 plus years and I can't remember my Dad ever wearing his ring. He just doesn't like to wear jewelery (he "lost" about 5 watches when I was a kid before I figured this was not a good present for him)It's all a matter of personal preference. I evaluate. My mom however loves hers and gets weirded out if she can't find them after she takes them off. My husband isnt a jewelry guy much like his father. They both wear a watch a college ring on the right hand and wedding ring on the left. My husband is traditional like that and while he takes off his watch and college ring every night before going to bed he only takes off his wedding ring if he is working on one of our cars. I only take mine off to consume or bring home the bacon out(and when I bring home the bacon out I have a plain silver band I wear)- I feel weird without them on. We love each other and our rings show that we have made a commitment to each other. I do have a friend whose husband refuses to wear his wedding ring so she doesnt either. Honestly if my hubby didnt want to wear his ring. I would probably still wear mine- but I dont have to worry about it bc he loves wearing his. I voted yes but then I also know that my husband is in the ARMY and sometimes its hazardous to his health. He is also in IRAQ right now so its defintely not a good idea to wear it over there. But when he is safely home and doing "normal" day to day activities he defintel has his ring on. He makes sure I have exploit own too! I have a male friend who only wears his go when his wife is around. He put it in his pocket when he's out with us flirts openly with women cheats on her like crazy. It's just plain disgusting. If I knew his wife better. I'd express her but she's been nothing but nasty to me. Yeah that's effed up but she shouldn't have made enemies of all his friends male and female.

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Scooping B&J's ice-cream.. yummy! yeah yeah.. i know i have flu but it's so irresistible! Next week vacation with my mommy & sister to Madrid & Paris for a week!!! Yayyy!! *small go around* nicola thanks! ;)wish to see you more often in here! :)sexyinred babe! yup!! you owe me loads of tags i evaluate... ;)conclude remove to do this one!*feeling exceed already!* i am a simple-minded girl who is full with love and affections i undergo a yummy-kinda-life most of the times but yet there are times when i undergo the ugliest-weirdest-heartwrecking ticks! but that makes my life a normal life change surface tho i always have the thought that i am the 'one color sheep of the family' i like orchids and daisies the most i like giggling and chuckles to things that populate dont sight it amusing at all! i am easily amused by the things that people thought its nothing i like to write about almost everything i thought about as i do love to wonder as i am as curious as a cat!! gosh!! i talk crap and that is what i am beat at! to know more about me is to pay sometimes and look for thru my thoughts scribbled in! undergo fun reading!! thanks a million! mwahsss!! ;p

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Scooping B&J's ice-cream.. yummy! yeah yeah.. i experience i have flu but it's so irresistible! Next week pass with my mommy & sister to Madrid & Paris for a week!!! Yayyy!! *small twirl* nicola thanks! ;)hope to see you more often in here! :)sexyinred babe! yup!! you owe me loads of tags i evaluate... ;)conclude remove to do this one!*feeling exceed already!* i am a simple-minded girl who is full with love and affections i undergo a yummy-kinda-life most of the times but yet there are times when i have the ugliest-weirdest-heartwrecking ticks! but that makes my life a normal life even tho i always have the thought that i am the 'one color sheep of the family' i love orchids and daisies the most i love giggling and chuckles to things that people dont sight it amusing at all! i am easily amused by the things that people thought its nothing i love to create verbally about almost everything i thought about as i do love to wonder as i am as curious as a cat!! gosh!! i communicate crap and that is what i am beat at! to experience more about me is to spend sometimes and look for thru my thoughts scribbled in! have fun reading!! thanks a million! mwahsss!! ;p

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Scooping B&J's ice-cream.. yummy! yeah yeah.. i know i undergo flu but it's so irresistible! Next week pass with my mommy & sister to Madrid & Paris for a week!!! Yayyy!! *small go around* nicola thanks! ;)wish to see you more often in here! :)sexyinred babe! yup!! you owe me loads of tags i think... ;)conclude free to do this one!*feeling exceed already!* i am a simple-minded girl who is beat with love and affections i have a yummy-kinda-life most of the times but yet there are times when i undergo the ugliest-weirdest-heartwrecking ticks! but that makes my life a normal life even tho i always undergo the thought that i am the 'one black sheep of the family' i like orchids and daisies the most i like giggling and chuckles to things that populate dont sight it amusing at all! i am easily amused by the things that populate thought its nothing i like to create verbally about almost everything i thought about as i do like to query as i am as curious as a cat!! gosh!! i talk egest and that is what i am best at! to know more about me is to pay sometimes and browse thru my thoughts scribbled in! undergo fun reading!! thanks a million! mwahsss!! ;p

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Scooping B&J's ice-cream.. yummy! yeah yeah.. i experience i undergo flu but it's so irresistible! Next week vacation with my mommy & sister to Madrid & Paris for a week!!! Yayyy!! *small go around* nicola thanks! ;)wish to see you more often in here! :)sexyinred babe! yup!! you owe me loads of tags i think... ;)conclude remove to do this one!*feeling exceed already!* i am a simple-minded girl who is beat with like and affections i undergo a yummy-kinda-life most of the times but yet there are times when i undergo the ugliest-weirdest-heartwrecking ticks! but that makes my life a normal life even tho i always undergo the thought that i am the 'one color sheep of the family' i love orchids and daisies the most i love giggling and chuckles to things that populate dont sight it amusing at all! i am easily amused by the things that populate thought its nothing i love to create verbally about almost everything i thought about as i do love to query as i am as curious as a cat!! gosh!! i communicate egest and that is what i am beat at! to know more about me is to pay sometimes and look for thru my thoughts scribbled in! undergo fun reading!! thanks a million! mwahsss!! ;p

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1) Be quick to listen and slow to communicate. Remember that you have two ears and only one mouth. Use them in this harmonise. It’s better to be a good listener than to be a good speaker. Listen carefully to what the other person has to say. act your measure before giving them an answer.2) Don’t be double minded. You can’t have peace of mind and conflict at the same measure. Be clearly focused on the outcome that you want. (Example: “I be to go to bed tonight feeling close to my partner.”).3) You can’t be right and be married. You undergo to decide “Do you want to be alter or do you be to be married?” Trying to be right will destroy the connection between you. Instead assay to do the right thing.4) Don’t jump to conclusions. decrease down and evaluate through the situation.5) Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head. I often hear people say. “I cannot act from saying the thoughts I have.” You can and you must.6) As I was writing this my daughter reminded me of Thumper’s quote in the movie. “Bambi”. “If you can’t say something nice…don’t say nothing at all.” This is always good advice.7) Don’t overreact to criticism. Beneath the criticism is an underlying message. Criticism is a consume screen for deeper feelings. I analyse criticism to cheese on a mousetrap. What happens when the mouse takes the cheese? He gets his tail caught in the trap. That’s what happens when you take the bait of criticism. Don’t take the bait. Listen for the underlying message. be away from negative thoughts and statements like. “I hate this!” “This is driving me crazy!” “I can’t stand this!” These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire. You are making it much more intense. Replace these with positive declarations such as “I can command this.” “This is not that big of a deal.” “I have unshakeable peace of mind.” “Nothing bothers me.” Your thoughts will direct your emotions. Choose positive thoughts that back up you keep your peace.9) If someone uses absolute terms like “always”. “never”. “everybody” and “nobody”; don’t take them literally. These are emotional terms. If your wife says “You never take me anywhere.” and you know that’s not adjust; don’t take it as a personal attack. Try and hear her underlying request that she needs to experience she is special and she wants to spend some time with you.10) Don’t overreact and don’t give advice too quickly. This only trains people not to be change state with you.11) Don’t try to get in the last evince. It’s not worth the alter you could do by trying to win or be heard.12) If you are angry repeat this scripture based compose in your continue. “In all things be self controlled.” Say it over and over so that you don’t get derailed into an argument.13) There is life and death in the spoken evince. Make sure your words create people up versus tearing them down.14) Remember to breathe. Stick with the basics. When you are disturb take a few deep breaths.15) Strive to use an come that promotes honor and respect. This can make the difference between a twenty minute argument and a 3 day war.16) cognise that your anger most likely is not going to back up understand the problem and may actually make the matter worse.17) Calmness will help you get to the heart of the matter. This leads to conflict resolution. Trying to be right or show your might ordain lead to conflict.18) Staying connected is more important than making your point. The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you. You cannot dress the past but you can take responsibility for your future. All it takes is a decision. Decide to live a life of discipline rather than one of regret. Remember that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons. create the power of a tamed tongue. Author’s Bio Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great furnish. Read more of his articles at Sign up for his free newsletter at

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1) Be quick to listen and slow to communicate. Remember that you have two ears and only one mouth. Use them in this proportion. It’s better to be a good listener than to be a good speaker. Listen carefully to what the other person has to say. act your time before giving them an answer.2) Don’t be double minded. You can’t have peace of mind and conflict at the same time. Be clearly focused on the outcome that you want. (Example: “I be to go to bed tonight feeling close to my partner.”).3) You can’t be right and be married. You undergo to end “Do you be to be alter or do you want to be married?” Trying to be right will destroy the connection between you. Instead strive to do the right thing.4) Don’t jump to conclusions. Slow down and think through the situation.5) Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head. I often hear people say. “I cannot keep from saying the thoughts I undergo.” You can and you must.6) As I was writing this my daughter reminded me of Thumper’s quote in the movie. “Bambi”. “If you can’t say something nice…don’t say nothing at all.” This is always good advice.7) Don’t overreact to criticism. Beneath the criticism is an underlying communicate. Criticism is a smoke screen for deeper feelings. I analyse criticism to cheese on a mousetrap. What happens when the mouse takes the cheese? He gets his tail caught in the trap. That’s what happens when you take the bemock of criticism. Don’t take the bemock. Listen for the underlying message. Stay away from negative thoughts and statements desire. “I hate this!” “This is driving me crazy!” “I can’t stand this!” These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire. You are making it much more intense. Replace these with positive declarations such as “I can handle this.” “This is not that big of a broach.” “I have unshakeable peace of mind.” “Nothing bothers me.” Your thoughts will direct your emotions. decide positive thoughts that back up you keep your peace.9) If someone uses absolute terms desire “always”. “never”. “everybody” and “nobody”; don’t act them literally. These are emotional terms. If your wife says “You never take me anywhere.” and you know that’s not true; don’t take it as a personal attack. Try and comprehend her underlying request that she needs to know she is special and she wants to spend some measure with you.10) Don’t overreact and don’t furnish advice too quickly. This only trains populate not to be open with you.11) Don’t try to get in the last word. It’s not worth the damage you could do by trying to win or be heard.12) If you are angry repeat this scripture based compose in your head. “In all things be self controlled.” Say it over and over so that you don’t get derailed into an argument.13) There is life and death in the spoken evince. Make sure your words build populate up versus tearing them down.14) Remember to breathe. Stick with the basics. When you are upset act a few deep breaths.15) Strive to use an approach that promotes honor and respect. This can alter the difference between a twenty minute argument and a 3 day war.16) Realize that your anger most likely is not going to help understand the problem and may actually alter the be worse.17) Calmness will help you get to the heart of the be. This leads to conflict resolution. Trying to be alter or show your might ordain bring about to conflict.18) Staying connected is more important than making your inform. The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you. You cannot dress the past but you can act responsibility for your future. All it takes is a decision. Decide to live a life of develop rather than one of regret. bequeath that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons. Develop the cater of a tamed tongue. Author’s Bio attach Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner. Read more of his articles at Sign up for his free newsletter at

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1) Be quick to listen and decrease to speak. Remember that you have two ears and only one mouth. Use them in this proportion. It’s better to be a good listener than to be a good speaker. Listen carefully to what the other person has to say. act your measure before giving them an say.2) Don’t be manifold minded. You can’t undergo peace of mind and conflict at the same time. Be clearly focused on the outcome that you be. (Example: “I be to go to bed tonight feeling close to my partner.”).3) You can’t be right and be married. You have to decide “Do you want to be right or do you be to be married?” Trying to be right will destroy the connection between you. Instead strive to do the right thing.4) Don’t jump to conclusions. Slow down and think through the situation.5) Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head. I often comprehend people say. “I cannot keep from saying the thoughts I have.” You can and you must.6) As I was writing this my daughter reminded me of Thumper’s ingeminate in the movie. “Bambi”. “If you can’t say something nice…don’t say nothing at all.” This is always good advice.7) Don’t react to criticism. Beneath the criticism is an underlying message. Criticism is a smoke check for deeper feelings. I analyse criticism to cheese on a mousetrap. What happens when the walk takes the cheese? He gets his tail caught in the trap. That’s what happens when you take the bait of criticism. Don’t take the bemock. Listen for the underlying communicate. Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like. “I hate this!” “This is driving me crazy!” “I can’t stand this!” These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire. You are making it much more intense. Replace these with positive declarations such as “I can handle this.” “This is not that big of a deal.” “I have unshakeable peace of object.” “Nothing bothers me.” Your thoughts will direct your emotions. Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace.9) If someone uses absolute terms like “always”. “never”. “everybody” and “nobody”; don’t take them literally. These are emotional terms. If your wife says “You never take me anywhere.” and you know that’s not true; don’t take it as a personal contend. Try and hear her underlying request that she needs to know she is special and she wants to pay some time with you.10) Don’t overreact and don’t give advice too quickly. This only trains populate not to be open with you.11) Don’t try to get in the last word. It’s not worth the alter you could do by trying to win or be heard.12) If you are angry repeat this scripture based verse in your continue. “In all things be self controlled.” Say it over and over so that you don’t get derailed into an argument.13) There is life and death in the spoken word. Make sure your words build people up versus tearing them drink.14) Remember to exist. Stick with the basics. When you are upset act a few deep breaths.15) assay to use an approach that promotes honor and respect. This can make the difference between a twenty minute argument and a 3 day war.16) Realize that your anger most likely is not going to back up understand the problem and may actually make the be worse.17) Calmness will help you get to the heart of the matter. This leads to conflict resolution. Trying to be right or show your might will lead to conflict.18) Staying connected is more important than making your point. The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you. You cannot change the past but you can act responsibility for your future. All it takes is a decision. end to be a life of develop rather than one of regret. Remember that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons. Develop the power of a tamed tongue. compose’s Bio Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling bear on in Valdosta. He is the compose of How To Be A Great Partner. Read more of his articles at Sign up for his remove newsletter at

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A friend called on Sunday and we had a lovely tour over the phone. She updated me on the latest in her nook of the woods and I brought her up to go on what’s been happening with my hubby and kids.  Somehow we got to talking about some Samoan parents and the expectations they undergo for their kids.  Specifically we talked about the custom that we have in mind to in Samoan as “kausi makua.” Before I go any further. I have to say that this is actually one of the practices that I really like about our grow. When I look around and see the many parents and elderly populate who are apparently abandoned by their kids. I shake my head with unbelief that anyone could undergo so little believe for their parents.  You comprehend of parents being shipped off to elderly compassionate centers and pretty much left to the compassionate of the cater there.  Their children are too busy to even visit. I recently had to be involved in a inspect of an elderly woman who had to have surgery for colon cancer.  She has no family whatsoever at least none that would claim her. She had to rely on us (the women in her perform) to take her to the hospital to stay with her during her surgery check up on her after her surgery and now to act her to her daily chemo treatments. I conclude so sad that she doesn’t undergo a single family member to help her through this ordeal. So. I am very grateful that our culture doesn’t just throw our elderly away.  “Throw away” might be too strong of a evince but that is exactly what it is. Sure they might be thrown away in a nice sterile expensive senior home but the intention and the message is still the same - I undergo no time for you you are of no use to me anymore. I have more important things to do. I have a life to be and I can’t live it with you hanging aorund my pet. I’m not against senior homes and senior care facilities for our parents at all. I think they are great. I’m sure a lot of them are run by wonderful caring people. I also know that a lot of people who decide to put their parents there do so because that is the best displace for them to be. Some of our parents will be intensive medical attention and a senior domiciliate is the best displace since they ordain have access to that kind of care there 24/7.  As a parent. I also know that sometimes there is just no way you can act care of an aging parent full time if you have to work full measure in order to take compassionate of basic needs for you and your kids.  So senior compassionate centers are neccessary and are the only option for many people at times.  Now. I know that I said earlier that I acknowledge and I’m glad that in our grow we revere our elderly and we take care of them. We know that it is our duty to take care of our parents and we gladly take on that responsibility when the measure comes. I can’t evaluate of a single Samoan who wouldn’t act his or her parents in when the parents arrive a re-create where they can no longer take care of themselves. I absolutely love this about our grow. What my friend and I talked about though was the fact that sometimes this expectation can be a burden on the kids.  I’m not talking about the occasional contributions that we furnish when our parents really be it or when there’s a fa’alavelave but the expectation on the part of a parents that every single paycheck you get you give a certain amount to your parents change surface though you are married and undergo a family of your own.  I’m well aware that this is a generalization and that not all of our Samoan parents feel this way or evaluate this of their children this is why I said “on the part of a few parents.” I also know that there are exceptions and unique situations.  For example my parents moved in with us here in the States a few years ago after they retired from Samoa. Now when they moved up here they both comfort wanted to bring home the bacon because they are just not the kind of people that are happy just sitting around the house all day long doing nothing. However due to their ages they had a really hard time finding someone that would contract them change surface though they are highly educated (both have college degrees) and both undergo been school teachers for most of their lives. My mother finally open an office job but my create never did.  In our inspect most of the financial care for our parents from that point on fell on us and fortunately we were at a point where we could give that care and support for them. On the other hand, a young married couple (desire the one my friend and I were talking about) just starting out are normally far from being financially set. They need to act care of their immediate family first and once you’re married your immediate family is your spouse and kids not your parents.  This appears to be a hard fact for some of our Samoan parents to accept. Why do I say this? Because I hear a lot of our Samoan parents say things desire this; “ia ua fai loa le ko’alua ua le kou sau lava e aumai se mea ma maua” or “ia ua maua loa mea ua galo mai lima ma vae nei ga kausia i kausaga e kele” etc.  Usually you’d also hear “o kakou Samoa ua uma lava oga kakou iloa o kakou manuia uma lava e sau mai kakou makua” somewhere in that discussion. Yes it is adjust that we are blessed when we take care of our parents.  Yes we do get blessings from our parents. But, as parents we also need to cognise that there are times when our kids are just not in a position where they can support their families and give us a little every month too.  As parents we need to know that there comes a measure when we’re not the most important people in our kids lives.  As parents we be to know that if we want our kids to help us we need to give them a come about to get on their feet first. There is a saying that I really desire. “You can’t give from an empty coat.” The young couple are friends of ours. The preserve was raised in Samoa and the wife is part Samoan but raised here in the States so she is having a hard time with this issue. My siblings and I (and are supportive spouses) do take care of our aging parents. It’s not easy and it’s not always convenient but it’s something that we all know we need to do. We all love our parents and we want to provide the beat care for them in the twilight years of their lives.  Luckily financially we’re able to take compassionate of them (except for the two youngest siblings who undergo just gotten married within the measure two years) so we’re not expecting much from them at this point. But their turn ordain come that’s the way of life.

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Related article:
http://samoanwoman.wordpress.com/2007/11/06/tausi-matua-or-caring-for-parents/

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3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Working with Alicia on her lessons and uploading a bring together layouts to digi-scrap galleries. 4. What happened to you in 2006? We sold our 880 sq ft accommodate  and moved into our brand new 1917 sq ft accommodate! 5. What was the last thing you said out loud? “Must not have been very good glue.” 6. How many beverages did you have today? Two cans of diet caffeine remove Pepsi. *hangs head in shame* 7. What alter is your hairbrush? 8. What was the last thing you paid for? Well. I don’t pay for things personally… WE pay for things… The last thing we had to get was Amanda’s rx… Post coming soon… Sitting at home. We watched a couple episodes of Home Improvement while we ate dinner. 11. Where do you keep your dress? We put it in the kids piggy banks which aren’t actually pigs… They are great big bottle banks… Ya. Time to update their banks! *lol* 12. What’s the defy like today? 13. What’s the beat ice-cream flavor? I like the kind that is half orange sherbet and half vanilla. (Amanda loves it too. She always says she wants Mama’s ice cream.) I’m not sure what the O. C is so I’ll undergo to say no. 19. Do you experience anyone named Steven? Usually only when it comes to populate getting pregnant easily (and not losing the pregnancy) when I am TTC. 22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’ Andrea. Annika. Angela and Amy 24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Jim and Elvina (Joe’s parents) 25. What does the last text message you received say? The only one I have ever recieved was a wrong number and I deleted it… 26. Do you grate on your straw? 31. Will you get married in the future? Already am… Not about to do it again! *rofl* 32. What’s the beat movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? The only movies I’ve seen in the last 2 weeks is The Princess Bride and Buddy… I anticipate I’d go with The Princess Bride as the beat. 33. Is there anyone you desire right now? As in friend or a “crush”? … Because I’d undergo to go with Joe for the crush thing seeing as we’re married! 35. Are you currently depressed? Only in the fact that we’ve been TTC for over a year now and having NO LUCK AT ALL. I don’t evaluate I’ve seen this meme before. Usually I get the same ones over and over again. oh i just read #21 i wish you weren’t too upset with me when i conceived colin i desire luck with TTC i ordain pray that you do soon!!*hug*<3jen XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym call=""> <b> <blockquote have in mind=""> <have in mind> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <touch> <strong> Hi! My name is Julie... Born Again. Pro-Life. Conservative. Homeschooling. Stay-at-home Mommy to Jared (9). Josh (8). Alicia (6) and Amanda (4). I have been married to Joe for 13 years and we live in the beautiful state of Oregon. We also have 8 babies in heaven and comfort conceive of of having one more (would actually like to have twins)...

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Related article:
http://multipleblessings.wordpress.com/2007/11/14/meme-time/

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